Things I Do EveryDay Blah Blah Blah

Since I do many monotonous and otherwise uninteresting things each day, let’s first talk about the dining centers for this blog. One thing I do everyday is irritate the workers there by ordering ridiculous amounts of food, things that aren’t available that day, or stating that the food is bad or that I want everything available. As you know by now, I’m a silly, sarcastic, and completely unserious person with anything involving life. So, for anyone who wants to learn how to brighten the day of dining center workers, here are a few simple steps so you too can be a common annoyance!

            Surely you know that you must enter the dining center, swipe your card, get a tray, etc, so let’s not get too technical with this. I’m going to have a simple algorithm, and you can practice your skills and evolve into a greater annoyance in no time!

For our simple algorithm, you must first have a blunt and outgoing personality to make your skills shine. No one wants to hear such quotes from someone who is timid, now do they? Second, you must examine the food and see if any of it looks good. It won’t, trust me. There might be a good item or two, but ignore those, you don’t want to compliment anyone here. Third, you must have an idea of what you want once you see the food. That way you can plan your humorous quote accordingly. Next, once you’ve decided for something in particular, ask for five thousand pieces of it. The staff should look at you as if you’re crazy, and then say something along the lines of “Sorry, we can’t give you that.” Which usually sounds like “blah, blah, blah” to me as I don’t really listen to their response often. Your next move is to abort your plan, as we are starting you off as a beginner. Do this by saying, “awww man.” Or something lame in general to act as if you care. So…I guess the algorithm would go:

Be outgoing and awesome

Then,

Look at disgusting cafeteria food

Option 1. If not good, then proceed

Option 2. If good, move on, you’re just wasting your time and probably aren’t human

Then,

Say dumb phrase to make cafeteria worker laugh

Then

Abort mission

Or something like that.

 There, I’ve successfully shown you an algo-mo-rithm to get you a reputation as a source of comic relief and probably frustration.

            I don’t think it would be very difficult to operate a machine using this algorithm, since machines don’t really have emotions and therefore don’t care about anyone’s feelings. You would simply have the machine detect what food is available at the dining center, and afterward have it demand some ridiculous amount of food, depending on what is available. Why you’d ever program a computer to do this is a bit questionable and is a bit of a jerk move but hey, give me some credit if this ever gets built.

            Well, there’s my 400 word limit right there. If you care to keep reading, another thing I do each day is stretch. I practice martial arts, so it’s kind of important to keep myself from breaking in half. Hold on for a minute while I think of a way to put this into an algorithm.

>5 hours later<

            I got nothing, yo. I guess it would go something like:

            Sit down

            Then

            Stretch out legs as wide as you can

            Then,

            Lean towards your right leg and stretch for 30 seconds

            Then,

            Do to left side,

            Then stretch towards center for 30 seconds.

            So yeah, a computer can’t really do that since they don’t have muscles and it would be useless for them to stretch anything. You could probably have them stretch a human being, but man would that be weird. Okay let’s not talk about this anymore.

End of this blog.